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Apparently I'm on a Hiatus
Monday, 18 February 2019 09:33 amI don't know when it started (other than looking at the last time I even opened a doc to write something, which was somewhere in Jan), but I've definitely stepped back from fandom again. It seems to happen every few months, though usually not quite so cold turkey. I had fun during the Snowflake Challenge, but even then I wasn't really actively writing or doing much of my usual creative works.
There's the sort of radio silence that comes with taking a hiatus. People don't really miss me when I'm not posting. It's definitely a vacuum effect at least in the SW fandom since there's just way too much other content to really notice when a slow updater like me is MIA. Still, it's disappointing. There are people that I thought I was closer to who don't reach out to me, don't wonder why there hasn't been an update, don't make the effort it seems to notice that I'm not here.
And then there's the total other end of the spectrum where, no matter how long I'm gone, I still open my inbox every few weeks and see a real, genuinely kind message or comment from someone I don't even know. They've read one of my oneshots and think it's incredibly sweet. They've checked out my slow burn WIP and want to leave a no-pressure-but-wow-this-captivates-me-and-I-hope-it-continues-eventually note. So I think those moments are what eventually bring me back to my keyboard and back into fandom.
I just don't think that I want to pretend that I'm one of the active, always-involved people in any of my fandoms. I've been that person - or tried to be - in the SW fandom over the past three years. I always end up being burnt out and disappointed (see above). So. Let's stop trying to be a Somebody in a fandom and just create. The advice is cheesy and not always easy to see, but it's always better to write for yourself.
As far as leaving my hiatus, I don't have any answers for that. Writing this little bit down was cathartic and helpful. It just might not be enough quite yet to get me to want to write again. We'll have to see.
There's the sort of radio silence that comes with taking a hiatus. People don't really miss me when I'm not posting. It's definitely a vacuum effect at least in the SW fandom since there's just way too much other content to really notice when a slow updater like me is MIA. Still, it's disappointing. There are people that I thought I was closer to who don't reach out to me, don't wonder why there hasn't been an update, don't make the effort it seems to notice that I'm not here.
And then there's the total other end of the spectrum where, no matter how long I'm gone, I still open my inbox every few weeks and see a real, genuinely kind message or comment from someone I don't even know. They've read one of my oneshots and think it's incredibly sweet. They've checked out my slow burn WIP and want to leave a no-pressure-but-wow-this-captivates-me-and-I-hope-it-continues-eventually note. So I think those moments are what eventually bring me back to my keyboard and back into fandom.
I just don't think that I want to pretend that I'm one of the active, always-involved people in any of my fandoms. I've been that person - or tried to be - in the SW fandom over the past three years. I always end up being burnt out and disappointed (see above). So. Let's stop trying to be a Somebody in a fandom and just create. The advice is cheesy and not always easy to see, but it's always better to write for yourself.
As far as leaving my hiatus, I don't have any answers for that. Writing this little bit down was cathartic and helpful. It just might not be enough quite yet to get me to want to write again. We'll have to see.
