Apparently I'm on a Hiatus

[feckyeslife]

I don't know when it started (other than looking at the last time I even opened a doc to write something, which was somewhere in Jan), but I've definitely stepped back from fandom again. It seems to happen every few months, though usually not quite so cold turkey. I had fun during the Snowflake Challenge, but even then I wasn't really actively writing or doing much of my usual creative works.

There's the sort of radio silence that comes with taking a hiatus. People don't really miss me when I'm not posting. It's definitely a vacuum effect at least in the SW fandom since there's just way too much other content to really notice when a slow updater like me is MIA. Still, it's disappointing. There are people that I thought I was closer to who don't reach out to me, don't wonder why there hasn't been an update, don't make the effort it seems to notice that I'm not here.

And then there's the total other end of the spectrum where, no matter how long I'm gone, I still open my inbox every few weeks and see a real, genuinely kind message or comment from someone I don't even know. They've read one of my oneshots and think it's incredibly sweet. They've checked out my slow burn WIP and want to leave a no-pressure-but-wow-this-captivates-me-and-I-hope-it-continues-eventually note. So I think those moments are what eventually bring me back to my keyboard and back into fandom.

I just don't think that I want to pretend that I'm one of the active, always-involved people in any of my fandoms. I've been that person - or tried to be - in the SW fandom over the past three years. I always end up being burnt out and disappointed (see above). So. Let's stop trying to be a Somebody in a fandom and just create. The advice is cheesy and not always easy to see, but it's always better to write for yourself.

As far as leaving my hiatus, I don't have any answers for that. Writing this little bit down was cathartic and helpful. It just might not be enough quite yet to get me to want to write again. We'll have to see.

Comments

[athenrys]

Fandom is an exhausting beast. Taking a break and stepping back will be good for you. Plus, the weather hasn't been helping any to be sure.

I believe in you!

[feckyeslife]

Thanks, darlin'!
I agree that the weather has been a real piece of crap. Warm and balmy one day and then dead-of-winter frozen the next is killing my groove, fullstop.

February of Doom

[oldtoadwoman]

I feel like February involves some kind of time distortion because it feels like the longest month of the year. January is awful too, but you can sort of grit through it on stubbornness, but by February my stubbornness is all used up and I'm just tired and I need it to be May already.

I'll admit that I rarely notice when people disappear in fandom. It's a busy enough place that I'm always behind on my reading list and it often isn't until someone turns back up that I go, "Oh, hi! I haven't seen that name in a while."

It makes it hard when you need a more personal connection.

Re: February of Doom

[feckyeslife]

February both rushes along and drags its sorry butt. I have family stuff at the end of the month that always sneaks up on me no matter how I try to stay ready. Yet the actual day-to-day never ends so that by the time you've hit bedtime, you're nearly sobbing with relief. And there's still also no free time to actually feel refreshed.

I know that it's super easy to not see someone missing in certain parts of fandom, but my recent gripes have been where someone that I'd talk to one-on-one with nearly every other day or so would just... stop talking to me if I didn't reach out first. I know everyone is busy, but it's still kind of sucky. It's nearly like the high school effect where when you're not seeing people everyday and you wonder how you stayed friends before. Except this isn't high school, it's the internet. So nothing's changed except for taking the time to reach out to one another :/