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So as I was driving home today, I had a stroke of Inspiration(TM). There was a story idea, crystal clear in my mind. It's simple, probably a 2-4k oneshot tops. It builds on a world I've already got set up from others in a series. It explores identity and queerness and all challenging, fun, important topics that I've wanted to broach in that series.
And I'm four hours in from getting home with none of it written out. Sure I've applied to the AO3 tag wrangling staff in the interim and that'll be cool and exciting if I get in; But I'm still disappointed in myself that beyond that I have spent the remaining 2 hours of free time just scrolling through Tumblr.
I want to get home and actually follow through on the exciting things that I dream up.
I want to use that inspiration when I actually get lucky enough to feel it.
I want to not go to bed tonight thinking "well, that was a waste of 6 hours of not-working."
But I'm not on track for that right now. I don't know how to cross that bridge, how to deliver on that want. In my mind, I'm saying "just stop filling in this text box and actually WRITE that shit you cared about while driving down 164!" Yet my fingers just keep tapping out here.
Maybe things'll line up after I eat. This could be a "you need food, idiot" situation. It could be a "feeling obligated to be the Entertainment later tonight and tomorrow and the next--" deal. I don't know.
I just know that I hate it. And I would rather just KNOW that I can write the goddamn story instead.
And I'm four hours in from getting home with none of it written out. Sure I've applied to the AO3 tag wrangling staff in the interim and that'll be cool and exciting if I get in; But I'm still disappointed in myself that beyond that I have spent the remaining 2 hours of free time just scrolling through Tumblr.
I want to get home and actually follow through on the exciting things that I dream up.
I want to use that inspiration when I actually get lucky enough to feel it.
I want to not go to bed tonight thinking "well, that was a waste of 6 hours of not-working."
But I'm not on track for that right now. I don't know how to cross that bridge, how to deliver on that want. In my mind, I'm saying "just stop filling in this text box and actually WRITE that shit you cared about while driving down 164!" Yet my fingers just keep tapping out here.
Maybe things'll line up after I eat. This could be a "you need food, idiot" situation. It could be a "feeling obligated to be the Entertainment later tonight and tomorrow and the next--" deal. I don't know.
I just know that I hate it. And I would rather just KNOW that I can write the goddamn story instead.
