On Motivation and Things

[feckyeslife]

So as I was driving home today, I had a stroke of Inspiration(TM). There was a story idea, crystal clear in my mind. It's simple, probably a 2-4k oneshot tops. It builds on a world I've already got set up from others in a series. It explores identity and queerness and all challenging, fun, important topics that I've wanted to broach in that series.

And I'm four hours in from getting home with none of it written out. Sure I've applied to the AO3 tag wrangling staff in the interim and that'll be cool and exciting if I get in; But I'm still disappointed in myself that beyond that I have spent the remaining 2 hours of free time just scrolling through Tumblr.

I want to get home and actually follow through on the exciting things that I dream up.
I want to use that inspiration when I actually get lucky enough to feel it.
I want to not go to bed tonight thinking "well, that was a waste of 6 hours of not-working."

But I'm not on track for that right now. I don't know how to cross that bridge, how to deliver on that want. In my mind, I'm saying "just stop filling in this text box and actually WRITE that shit you cared about while driving down 164!" Yet my fingers just keep tapping out here.

Maybe things'll line up after I eat. This could be a "you need food, idiot" situation. It could be a "feeling obligated to be the Entertainment later tonight and tomorrow and the next--" deal. I don't know.

I just know that I hate it. And I would rather just KNOW that I can write the goddamn story instead.

Comments

wasting time

[oldtoadwoman]

Tumblr is an incredible time-suck. I deleted my account during Tumblrpocalypse and sort of pretended like it was because I was joining the protest, but mainly I was going cold turkey because I realized I was spending all of my time scrolling through Tumblr and doing nothing.

Re: wasting time

[feckyeslife]

It definitely doesn't help and overall my time offline is higher when I wasn't logging in the past few months; but my issue yesterday and today and probably the whole weekend isn't just Tumblr. It's my whole thought process and lack of follow through that's just so goddamn depressing.

Re: wasting time

[oldtoadwoman]

my whole thought process and lack of follow through

I can relate. I'll psych myself up for doing the thing, remind myself that I want to do the thing, remind myself that the thing isn't even hard, I'm totally going to do the thing… and then I watch several hours of YouTube videos instead and never do the thing.